Heart and Sole

“They say a good love is one that sits you down, gives you a drink of water, and pats you on top of the head. But I say a good love is one that casts you into the wind, sets you ablaze, makes you burn through the skies and ignite the night like a phoenix; the kind that cuts you loose like a wildfire and you can’t stop running simply because you keep on burning everything that you touch! I say that’s a good love; one that burns and flies, and you run with it!”
C. JoyBell C.

dream2

Last weekend, I ran a race and thought it would be my last race of the season….I figured that was it…what a good note to end on.  I have done the Delta Lake Half Marathon three times now and I love that race.  There is not much else out there I like better than that race.  It is beautiful going around the lake though, I do have a lot of memories from it and it is time to move on.  Do you believe in signs? I did not think I did either, but sometimes I feel like it is true…that things happen and they happen for a reason.  I was all set to be done with it!!!!  I see all these people running and I am extremely jealous.  I don’t think people get it.  I must drive people nuts with my passion for running.  Running and Lilly, it feels like that is my life.  I love to bike too, but it doesn’t make me feel as amazing as running yet…maybe there is hope….but running makes my day.

dream1

So a sign?  I believe things happen for a reason.  I have had some knee trouble so I have had to defer a lot of races.  I feel like I already have a race season next year because of it.  It is sad at how many misses I have given up.  Well, the Wineglass Marathon is next weekend and that was supposed to be my big fat BQ!!!!  “Was supposed to be….”  I cannot run a full marathon.  It was already too late to defer….so I looked at other options.  I have a chance to claim the state of New Hampshire and run the Bristol Half Marathon on Saturday, October 4, 2014.  I was all excited.  I wanted to sign up.

dream3

I took Lilly apple picking today to get my mind off of running and to try to live life without running. It didn’t work.  The whole time I was out with Lilly, all I could think about were races today and all the people who ran the Ragnar Relay.  I want to be out there getting lost on the hills.  I want to be that girl who runs fast and finishes strong.

dream4

I do not want to be a quitter.  I feel like this coming week I have been given a sign that my season isn’t over…you might be wonder what that was.  I know there is this thing going on in New York where you get a refund for $350.00 from the state and I received it.  I guess that isn’t a huge sign, but then I was told there is still hope that I can do a half marathon on Sunday instead of a full marathon.

dream5

So what do I do?  I am faced with this dilemma.  Do I not race and hope that my knee heals, though it hasn’t?  I am supposed to go to the Doctor’s office tomorrow for my knee but is one weekend going to make that much of a difference?  Will I sit around and mope all weekend and end up running anyways?  Or will I take the road unknown and go out and live every single second to the fullest?  I do not want to stop running and I am sure if I were like most people who have distractions or people to spend their free time with, I would be okay with not running…but I do not have that…I have been really happy lately and I do not want that feeling to go away.  I am a Oiselle now and I feel this sense of pride and I want to keep running and representing Oiselle.  I would love to be part of a team locally…I do run with the Y runners…sometimes…well not very often…I think I have been three times.  I would love to do a Ragnar…

“The one who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The one who walks alone, is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.” ~ Albert Einstein

Lately, I feel like Einstein is right.  Sometimes I think I try too hard to fit in when I am not meant to fit in.  I think I sometimes have this strong determination and sense of independence.  Sure, I want to be loved!  Who doesn’t?  But maybe I was born to stand out!  It only took me 34 years to accept that ha ha.

What to do…….New Hampshire, Wineglass……no run…………

Find someplace beautiful and get lost………………………………………………………..

Feeling Blessed

“We cannot rewrite the past. It’s done. You cannot change it. Instead, focus on the now. Live everyday to the fullest…”

image

I’m still sad that my season is inevitably over…. almost 99% sure. I go back to the doctor on Monday.

I think I’m sad because I long for more. It was amazing. I really lived life to the fullest and I hope I can continue….it was wonderful and my mind is always trailing off to these beautiful races!!! I also met a lot of wonderful people…I would name all of you but I don’t want to be in any trouble for forgetting anyone…I have to mention Cynthia, Andrea  and Judy..I’d mention Adam, Judy….but now all I can think about is the banana pumpkin smoothie!   I want one…than you for warming up to me!  I am rather shy, but I think you realize I am not so strange once you get to know me!  Just think, it I had never gone to the Oceans Run half in Rhode Island, we never would have met!

I am also excited to be a Oiselle member….it has become such a positive experience and the girls are wonderful!

I know I started out with some silly challenge….but it was a pretty incredible ride!

I will get it back…I hope…I should feel blessed that I was able to go and have good speed for a while….instead of being angry that I am injured, I should be happy for what I have had…it was amazing….and Boston…ill get there…just not today :-)……I need to listen to my body and advice..

The Wicked Half Marathon- Salem, Massachusetts! (half 52/20 this year)

Originally posted on A Twin Thing:

“Live the Life of Your Dreams.”

oiselle

Ever since finishing my 50th half marathon on August 9, 2014, I have been depressed because I have not really been able to run.  Sure, I did a few 5ks and a 10k and did really well…but anyone who knows me, knows that my heart belongs to the half marathon.  There is just something that makes me feel so good when it comes to the half.

So I decided I was going to see how the knee is today.  I have a lateral meniscus tear and a bruised tibia…I have been going to physical therapy since July and I have not been running much.  I had my knee taped and I was hoping it would not be so bad.  my poor knee

Why today?

I do not have Lilly this weekend and I had signed up for the Wicked Half Marathon a long time ago.  I know…

View original 567 more words

Lost on A Run

     No matter how down, how tired, or how lazy I feel, there is nothing that beats the feel of a good run.  You might be wondering where I have been or why I have been so distant with my blog.  Where have I been?

     I have been right here. I have been that girl who walks silently throughout the grocery store…I am that girl who smiles and works with children all day long.  I am that girl who has maybe walked right by you and you have not noticed.

     It is funny how life works out.  I am so happy to be at my new school.  I feel like I might be able to make a difference.  I have a nice job and I am surrounded by amazing children from all over the world.  I wish I could share their beautiful faces with you all, but I am not allowed to.  You can understand.  Life seems to be falling into place…but why am I so down and up…up and down?

     I cannot run well….it has been far too long.  I am so sad.  When I look at my blog, I want to revisit my amazing races.  I love to race and I had so much fun…but that girl who is glowing during the race…she is missing right now and I cannot get her back.  I go about my day but when I am rushing to get my next class, I often think, “I wish I could run.”  It is hard to not have it come up in conversation. 

     I am sure you are thinking: “There could be worse things in life.”  I know and I agree so I feel somewhat selfish…but when I come home to an empty house, knowing that I do not get to see Lilly, it makes me sad.  I do not know how or why it has taken so long to be able to get back into running.  I know that I have a bruised tibia and torn meniscus…but running is the air that I breathe.  I suppose it would be different if I had someone to enjoy biking with and get lost on the hills with…my bike does a good job but I miss Lilly…and I miss running.  Imagine if I can never run again?  I cannot imagine it…or am I living this feeling right now?  What if my running will never be the same and I will never…ever make it to Boston? I know there could be worse things but I was always taught that if you work hard your dreams will come true…and Boston…Boston is my dream and I want to get there.  I am sorry I have been distant…but it is hard to know that Boston has started its registration process and this will be another year my name does not make it into the program. 

     I know that there is more to life than Boston.  I work in Syracuse and it is a tough district but I love it.  I want to be a positive role model and get children to run and reach for their dreams…how am I supposed to do that when I cannot run?

I wish I could run around the block three times and my pain would magically go away…I wish I could run down the street and climb that pole at the playground and ring the bell so it goes away.  I need a miracle to happen I suppose…the longer I do not run, the more I let life seem less amazing. 

I Wish Upon An Oreo So Yummy!”

20140829-172041.jpgp

Today is my day off! I just found out I will be teaching at a new school in my district and I could not be happier.

Last weekend, I ran a 5k and landed in 2nd place overall! I finished in 23:52 with my torn meniscus and bruised bone. I was rather excited! Then I switched from the half Mary to the 10k… I finished in 50:22…. Not bad for being tired and injured…but then I saw the bigger picture. I want to run forever. I don’t want this to be the end. So I took a break and I haven’t ran since. I am sad and there is not much else to do to spend my time forgetting about the joy and utter bliss I have running…..you see I am kind of a loner….but I saw the big picture and I am excited about what I have in store. Most people who know me realize my name is my married name but I am divorced. I haven’t changed my name yet, but I run under my maiden name.

So I finished my big challenge to make it to 50 half marathons and I want to do my 50 states….but how can I make you jealous? I am going to work on my 7 continents. Obviously, North America is done…I refuse to go to Africa because of Ebola…so I won’t share but my eyes are set on a couple of continents…soooo we will see what happens. I love traveling and running so I can only imagine what will happen when I combine the two….

So Oreos…..

I used to believe that if you took apart an Oreo and the creme stayed on one side, you would get your wish…so I did just that and my luck has been good lately…I’m afraid it will run out so I eat an Oreo every day….I found out Lilly is going to be in the advanced pre k, then I found out that I got the job I wanted, and I had other good news….well for my birthday I know what I want….maybe it will happen…who knows…then today I applied for an apartment and I got it…my rent is ridiculous so I want to move…though ill miss this place. Who knows….

So I am wishing for happiness to come with my Oreo because I can’t remember the last time I blew out a candle for my birthday… I hope my knee gets better and I have a great school year.

20140829-173238.jpg

I believe that if you are a good person and you live your life to the fullest, good things will happen.. See I made popovers from scratch and in a hurry.sometimes if you just relax, things will happen!

20140829-173431.jpg

Que Feriez- Vous? What Would You Do?

La chose importante est de tendre vers un objectif qui n’est pas immédiatement visible. Cet objectif n’est pas la préoccupation de l’esprit, mais de l’esprit. ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

The important thing is to strive towards a goal which is not immediately visible. That goal is not the concern of the mind, but of the spirit. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

me on bike

Excuse me.  It has been a while since I have written in French. I figured this would be something different to spice things up.

Excusez-moi. Il a été un moment depuis que j’ai écrite en français. J’ai pensée que ce serait quelque chose de différent pour pimenter les choses.

I haven’t been confessing much, so I figured I would mention that I studied French for a while.  I lived in France for a little while too.  I miss it.  Sometimes I feel like I am just lost here.  I remember the days where I would walk to school and pass over the Loire.  It was amazing.  I even had a bike.  It was a piece of crap, but it was fun to say I biked in France. 

I have been off from work all week and I have been sorting out things and consolidating so I can get ready for the school year.  I also have to decide by next Sunday if I am moving.  It is a hard decision for me to make because I am a single mom and it is a lot of work for me.  Moving sounds simple, but my knee has been bothering me and I have moved a lot.  Do you ever feel like you just don’t belong?  That is how I feel a lot.  I hate to admit it but I took those stupid quizzes on facebook to see where I belong and imaginez-vous????  I belong in a different century.  Quel Surprise!  C’est vrai de temps en temps.  Je pense que quelqu’un tres vieux.  I think like someone old-fashion…I am not sure how to translate that right so I did the best I could.

Okay moving on….I don’t really know why I am sharing all of this with you but I guess my point is that my knee has been keeping me from running so I have had a lot of time to think….c’est une catastrophe!  I should never think it is bad for the mind.  Ce n’ai pas bonne pour la santé.  It is not good for the soul.  I would like to tell you that I am happy…that  I am strong…but not today.  I think that it is normal to be fable…weak…maybe it is more worrisome to be strong all of the time…being weak shows I am only human.

The truth is…this sucks…I hate hate hate…not being able to run.  Running is the love of my life besides Lilly.  It is driving me crazy that I cannot do the one thing I love to do the most when Lilly is not here.  I cannot bike either because it is raining so much.  It is making me crazy!  I don’t really care for television and I am not a huge fan of the computer….but I guess I have loved running for so long it is hard to find something else to do.  On top of that I am on vacation from work and I cannot even plan.  I do not know where I am teaching and what I am teaching….

me on lI miss Lilly.  I miss running….you have no idea how stressful work is right now!!!!!!  When I am at the starting line…I think about all of the things that make me angry.  I am angry right now….because it sucks to be injured, alone, and uncertain of the future on many levels.  I think I belong in a different century because I don’t do well with this modern day stress.  I am too old fashion on many levels….

I wish I could go back and change from being a teacher to being an ambassador…I wonder why I was so afraid to take that leap…with languages under my belt, I think I could have been good…but now I will never know….

I haven’t ran this week…not sure if I can…I have biked 33 miles and it was great…but I need my running.  I think I will not make Boston and I am not sure I will be able to get past that…It is hard to have such a big goal and have it shattered…it would be easier if there were someone there to pick me up and say it will be alright…but I am looking down at Lilly…so I need to be strong….

So What Would You Do??????????  Try to Go For Boston or hope it is there for the taking next year?

A Moment of Thought

Originally posted on A Twin Thing:

“Dream as if you could do anything!”

ice cream

I am not sure what to write this week.  I did a little jogging and I went to see my family in Northern Maine…what a tiring drive.

It was a little sad to hear that Robin Williams died.  I remember how funny and smart he was.  I think it scares me a little that someone can be so talented and have so much to offer, but cannot go on living.  He also left behind a wife and some children.  It just goes to show you that depression is serious and it can happen to ANYONE!!!!!

I think we look up at these actors and professionals as if they are somehow super human.  I am sure at times it appears that way…but we are all just people, living out our lives and hoping to be happy.  It is clear that he was pretty good…

View original 550 more words

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 184 other followers