No matter how down, how tired, or how lazy I feel, there is nothing that beats the feel of a good run. You might be wondering where I have been or why I have been so distant with my blog. Where have I been?
I have been right here. I have been that girl who walks silently throughout the grocery store…I am that girl who smiles and works with children all day long. I am that girl who has maybe walked right by you and you have not noticed.
It is funny how life works out. I am so happy to be at my new school. I feel like I might be able to make a difference. I have a nice job and I am surrounded by amazing children from all over the world. I wish I could share their beautiful faces with you all, but I am not allowed to. You can understand. Life seems to be falling into place…but why am I so down and up…up and down?
I cannot run well….it has been far too long. I am so sad. When I look at my blog, I want to revisit my amazing races. I love to race and I had so much fun…but that girl who is glowing during the race…she is missing right now and I cannot get her back. I go about my day but when I am rushing to get my next class, I often think, “I wish I could run.” It is hard to not have it come up in conversation.
I am sure you are thinking: “There could be worse things in life.” I know and I agree so I feel somewhat selfish…but when I come home to an empty house, knowing that I do not get to see Lilly, it makes me sad. I do not know how or why it has taken so long to be able to get back into running. I know that I have a bruised tibia and torn meniscus…but running is the air that I breathe. I suppose it would be different if I had someone to enjoy biking with and get lost on the hills with…my bike does a good job but I miss Lilly…and I miss running. Imagine if I can never run again? I cannot imagine it…or am I living this feeling right now? What if my running will never be the same and I will never…ever make it to Boston? I know there could be worse things but I was always taught that if you work hard your dreams will come true…and Boston…Boston is my dream and I want to get there. I am sorry I have been distant…but it is hard to know that Boston has started its registration process and this will be another year my name does not make it into the program.
I know that there is more to life than Boston. I work in Syracuse and it is a tough district but I love it. I want to be a positive role model and get children to run and reach for their dreams…how am I supposed to do that when I cannot run?
I wish I could run around the block three times and my pain would magically go away…I wish I could run down the street and climb that pole at the playground and ring the bell so it goes away. I need a miracle to happen I suppose…the longer I do not run, the more I let life seem less amazing.