“You have to live the life of your dreams.”
I know I have used this quote before but I am trying hard to finally take it to heart. I honestly thought this would be an amazing year. When I got dumped back in 2013, I made a vow to make this the best year I could. I tried so hard…I guess that sometimes you just have no control over life. You just have to go with the flow and live in the moment…When I signed up for a bunch of races this year, I had an awesome time. I keep talking about it because it was an amazing experience. I did something I have never done before.
I will never forget running my first half marathon and wanting to sleep forever after it was over. I thought I would never run another race. I remember driving to Chambersburg like it was yesterday. I think it was hard because I did not know what to expect. I am how shall I say, “Anti Social.” I arrived at the race and everyone looked at me like I was an alien. I was wearing shorts and a tank top. It was cold, but I was warm because I am from upstate New York and Pennsylvania was like the tropics to me. When I ran my race, I finished in 1:55. I do not know what has been happening to me but I think I need to figure it out. I used to run under 1:45 with no problem. I missed placing in my age group by about 30 seconds. I wanted to stay and talk to everyone but it was hard. There were a lot of people eating pizza and socializing. I wish I could have but I could tell almost everyone was with company. So I hopped in my car and put Rhode Island on my gps.
Rhode Island is amazing. I cannot begin to tell you how beautiful it is there. It was hard for me to drive there. When I went through Connecticut, I went right past the place my ex boyfriend was staying in Mystic. It is bizarre that this whole race addiction developed to get my mind off of him. When I travel I am low key and I go to my hotel to shake off the car ride. It can be pretty stressful. When I arrived at the race, I met Andrea, Cindy, Amy, and Cynthia. I had a great time and still talk to them! I was so nervous about running another half marathon…but they do it all of the time…I had fun and did a better job at this race. This is a race I signed up to do again in 2015. I think I need to keep racing, even if I am not as fast.
My year went on and I did more and more races, filled with amazing people. I guess that somewhere in the middle of this, I felt like I had lost myself in all of the traveling and fun. I suddenly stopped and realized I needed to focus on figuring out why my time is so bad now. I want Boston more than anything…
I have bad luck. I have really, really bad luck. I do not know if I hold up a freak flag and make men run or if they are just intimidated by me. It took a lot to go through divorce and it nearly killed me to go through being dumped by another. I don’t remember when I got over it, but I know it was really hard. I have always been rather sensitive…and rejection is never easy. I think the hardest part about rejection is that they never really tell you why. In my case it was also hard because he didn’t just leave me alone. He had to get his car…but then he led me to believe we could work things out. I do not understand how a guy dumps you and then deceives you into thinking it isn’t over just to sleep with you. I am sure there are women out there just as bad but it is rotten and I just do not understand guys sometimes. My dad was right. I should have had his car towed.
Moving on…I try to just focus on running and my beautiful daughter. She is wonderful…My goal is to be the best mom in the world. She is my life.
She is so special. She wanted to play in the gym so we went. How cute is she? I have to focus on her. I cannot wait to get out of work today and go get her! I think we are about the only school district who had school today. It has been hard for me at work too. I had this policy that I do not date work people. Somewhere in the middle of all of this, I had someone in the district like me. I said no and tried to discourage the person. Well, I soon realized I did not want to discourage it. When you are alone for so long, it is nice to feel admired. He was good looking too. We were supposed to go out on a date and I thought everything was fine. Something understandable came up and he had to cancel. I felt depressed. I feel like I must have done something wrong.
I can’t think that way because it is something I cannot change. I gave up a chance to go to X country nationals and be with Oiselle. I have to stop giving up on myself and my dreams just because people run from me. So I am hoping to get to New York City to run The Frozen Bonsai Half Marathon in Central Park this weekend. I have to take the night bus to get there and hope I do not get lost when I get to NYC. I need to do this. I also feel a little silly. I do not want much for Christmas. I have never had a good slow dance. I don’t even really remember having one. My ex husband did not like to dance. We did not have dancing at our wedding. My ex boyfriend didn’t invite me to a wedding but wanted me to be dd. He asked me to slow dance. He ruined it. I feel dumb because I wish work guy would have been the one to ask. I was worth dating. I wish we had our date. I can’t change it though. I want my slow dance for Christmas…if not this year…next year. Until then, I am living the life of my dreams….I want to go to Europe…so…here is to NYC!!! Here I come!