“Not all those who wander are lost.” Tolkien
I was a little bummed when both of my races were cancelled this weekend. I think it was definitely time for a vacation. I was getting really cranky and I’ve been sad I don’t have Lilly this week. It’s the best time to have her.
Ive been wanting to get away and I hate Valentines Day. I know married people aren’t always into it but it’s always a day when I’m reminded about being single. When I got engaged once upon a time, it was February 16th. I can’t catch a break.
I am so happy I run. I think I would go insane sometimes. Do you ever wonder when you are single what is wrong with you? I often feel that no matter what I am turned down because of my flaws. I know I’m socially awkward but I work hard at it and I confess I consistently get bummed at work because no one asks me to happy hour and I find out about it when someone comes into my room and asks to borrow perfume (which I don wear). I’m constantly at a loss for words because people call me the wrong name. I love my job…but as I have said before it would be nice to notice. I got a little sappy yesterday. I love my kids. We did this whale project and they made whales and had to write about saving them. Someone said what a nice job they did and I felt like people noticed my kids and my work for the first time! It meant a lot to me.
I liked someone a while back. I thought they liked me too. It was nice. I had a glimpse of what life could be like and I felt happy. I got asked out on a date but then he had to cancel. It hurt. I was so excited. It was never rescheduled. I tried so hard to not let it bother me but sometimes I remember I am a girl.
I have gotten a lot better. I focused on my running and where it can take me. I even have some pacing coming up this year for a couple of races and I’m excited. I need a life of adventure. However, I’m still a girl and sometimes it sucks. I wonder if guys ever feel this way? I wish when I felt rejected I didn’t blame myself. I felt so confident for the longest time between racing and Oiselle. Then I let my guard down and fall for a guy, who is never interested in me. I believe people meet for a reason and for once I just want to be that girl someone finds amazing! Maybe I’m too intimidating or maybe they don’t find me attractive. I don’t know anymore. Every time I don’t know what to think. The one guy said he was too busy but if a guy likes a girl, there is always time. He should have said he was busy and didnt find me attractive enough to give up his free time. I’m still wishing I had had my slow dance last year. I don’t know I’m embarrassed for bringing it up. I should have kept it a secret.
So I’m glad I ran today and had a blast with my friend Melissa! I think she is great and I hope she rocks her marathon in may!
My next race is in Augusta, Georgia! I have a 5k on Saturday and a half marathon on Sunday. I was going to fly but I need to get lost to find myself again. My running takes a toll when my emotions do. I just wish I could catch a break….when I stop and think about it, I can’t catch my breath. Maybe some people are meant to live life alone to see how strong they can be and what they are capable of.