Every Body Is Beautiful

“Your positive action combined with positive thinking results in success.”

IMG_8046I cannot stress this enough!!!!!

IMG_8041You do not need to be a disney princess, but you need to feel beautiful.  You might wonder why I am writing this post and what I have to say.  Well, there has been something on my mind for about a year now and I need to address it or I do not know if I can move on.  I shouldn’t care, but I need to care as a mom and a person.

Before I start, I have to share my pictures from this weekend!!!  Lilly ran her first Boilermaker!!!!!

 

 

She fell in the beginning, but she got right up and ran the entire 1/2 miles! I am so proud of her!!!!  I cannot wait to see what she does next.

This past year has been a big up and down roller coaster for me.  I am not sure if this is a surprise or not to you.  I know it is not to Andrew and I am glad he is so patient.  So where do I begin?

IMG_8001Here is good.  This is from when I did the Mad Half Marathon when I was in excellent running shape.  I was younger and faster…naive.  I got smarter after this and though I was not as fast, I enjoyed running.  I started dating Andrew in 2015 and he had the idea I should run with other people.  I do enjoy running with other people.  I am not very outgoing, despite being a teacher.  My self-esteem is beyond atrocious.  After a little while, he set me up with someone to run with I had only seen a few times here or there.

Things worked out great.  Andrew and I were doing well and we got married in 2016!  We both wanted a small wedding with only about 30 guests, but I did not want to leave out my running partner.  I feel that when you run with someone on a weekly basis, it is easy to become close friends.  I still miss running with my friend, Melissa.  Here is a picture from our wedding:

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I do not like to wear a lot of makeup and when I run I definitely do not wear any.  I am not running for a beauty contest.

 

I remember helping her push to pr at a  half marathon. It made me cry and I hugged her. A week later she told me, “such and such said Beth just couldn’t let you beat her.” Made me sad to think someone would say that. When we were at odds she said that I didn’t want her to know what I was running because I was afraid she would beat me. Kind of silly. Anyone knows I am always trying to get people to sign up for races. I don’t care and if that is the way someone thinks, then maybe they need to examine their thinking.  I love running…for myself. I’m not there to beat YOU!

Later in the year, my friend and I ran a marathon and had a great time.  We both met our goals and talked about our next marathon.  Everything was fine.  I went on to run a half marathon the following weekend and then a 5k in Buffalo.  I was tired from my marathon and my half, but I still ran in the 23:30ish time.  I won my age group and I was shocked, but happy.

IMG_8043I think we sometimes surprise ourselves and this was a nice surprise on tired legs.

As the school year ended, my friend and I continued to run and have fun.  I was going to a girls camp over the summer for a weekend and needed to do a long run at night.  Sometimes when we run with people it is hard when we have two different plans or styles.  I remember it being super humid and I was not doing well.  I was on the canal and had to stop.  My friend looped back to me, which was nice.  Finally when there was about .3 miles left, she decided she needed to go.  I do not know why, but this made me sad because of the times she felt bad and I did not leave her.  Plus, I was not feeling well and thought I might pass out.  She needed to “maximize her energy.”  Well, I wanted to make it to my car and not pass out.  I just wish she would have waited.  I think that was an issue but deep down there was a lot bothering me.

I think every body is beautiful and you need to be beautiful on the inside before you can be beautiful on the outside.  Sometimes, there are things you just shouldn’t say to people no matter what.  I cannot remember all of it but I remember when she said her husband said, “he was surprised at how nice I looked at my wedding.”  She told me she told him, “well she is running with me so she doesn’t dress up.”  It just made me feel ugly.  When I ran that 5k in Buffalo, she told me, “yeah my husband said it must not have been very competitive.”

These things still bother me, but I would never say something like this to someone.  Why?  I just wouldn’t because it is mean.

 

I could ask why she never drove or why she wouldn’t pay me back for part of the hotel we stayed at for our marathon…but I am better than that.  It just crushes me to be so invested in a friendship and feel treated so poorly.

Moving on, we signed up for the 18.12.  When I was running, I saw her up ahead.  She was waiting at the porta potty.  She looked at her watch and looked at me then took off.  I was mad she just gave me that look.  Well she finished and I tried to invite her with us but she had to go.  Well, she accidentally texted me instead of her husband later.  “It was great aside from the added Beth drama.”

She wonders why I won’t run with her.  Well, she claimed she waited for me but when she was about ten feet ahead of me and takes off running, I simply do not understand the part about how she waited for me.  On top of all of this, she never wanted to drive.  Her car either smelled like gas or I do not know what.  Just like when she showed up to my car for a race with a garbage can, it was the bad food she ate and not the fact that she went on a wine tour.

I am almost done complaining I promise.  I tried to meet with her and talk.  She wanted me to apologize too.  I do not apologize to someone who calls my husband a chauffeur.  I do not apologize to someone who lets me know people are surprised that I can dress up nice. I would also never tell someone they only did good at a race because it must not have been very competitive.  I also think it is sad that she had her husband defriend my husband on Facebook like we are still in high school.  My husband is the nicest person.  I argue, one of the nicest in the world.  I feel like I have lost friends because of this too.  I feel like my husband has as well.  So I moved on after we met for dinner and I decided our friendship could not be saved.

 

 

Life is too short.  I have a beautiful daughter and husband.  I am trying to surround myself with people who are positive and I am so sorry if I have been the Debbie Downer of the bunch!

I have started to run with people again, but it is hard for me to forget about the things that my last partner said.  Whenever I run with someone, I am constantly asking myself if I am too slow or annoying…and I do not know how to stop except to push myself harder until I go so fast that I puke and forget about it.

So life has been really up and down.  It is the domino effect.  It is also really hard to move on from someone you spent so many cold mornings running with.

So I have been absent from this blog for a very long time and I am hoping to dust off the cobwebs and come back to positive land.  So let’s see what happens next…

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