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Every Body Is Beautiful

“Your positive action combined with positive thinking results in success.”

IMG_8046I cannot stress this enough!!!!!

IMG_8041You do not need to be a disney princess, but you need to feel beautiful.  You might wonder why I am writing this post and what I have to say.  Well, there has been something on my mind for about a year now and I need to address it or I do not know if I can move on.  I shouldn’t care, but I need to care as a mom and a person.

Before I start, I have to share my pictures from this weekend!!!  Lilly ran her first Boilermaker!!!!!

 

 

She fell in the beginning, but she got right up and ran the entire 1/2 miles! I am so proud of her!!!!  I cannot wait to see what she does next.

This past year has been a big up and down roller coaster for me.  I am not sure if this is a surprise or not to you.  I know it is not to Andrew and I am glad he is so patient.  So where do I begin?

IMG_8001Here is good.  This is from when I did the Mad Half Marathon when I was in excellent running shape.  I was younger and faster…naive.  I got smarter after this and though I was not as fast, I enjoyed running.  I started dating Andrew in 2015 and he had the idea I should run with other people.  I do enjoy running with other people.  I am not very outgoing, despite being a teacher.  My self-esteem is beyond atrocious.  After a little while, he set me up with someone to run with I had only seen a few times here or there.

Things worked out great.  Andrew and I were doing well and we got married in 2016!  We both wanted a small wedding with only about 30 guests, but I did not want to leave out my running partner.  I feel that when you run with someone on a weekly basis, it is easy to become close friends.  I still miss running with my friend, Melissa.  Here is a picture from our wedding:

IMG_8044

I do not like to wear a lot of makeup and when I run I definitely do not wear any.  I am not running for a beauty contest.

 

I remember helping her push to pr at a  half marathon. It made me cry and I hugged her. A week later she told me, “such and such said Beth just couldn’t let you beat her.” Made me sad to think someone would say that. When we were at odds she said that I didn’t want her to know what I was running because I was afraid she would beat me. Kind of silly. Anyone knows I am always trying to get people to sign up for races. I don’t care and if that is the way someone thinks, then maybe they need to examine their thinking.  I love running…for myself. I’m not there to beat YOU!

Later in the year, my friend and I ran a marathon and had a great time.  We both met our goals and talked about our next marathon.  Everything was fine.  I went on to run a half marathon the following weekend and then a 5k in Buffalo.  I was tired from my marathon and my half, but I still ran in the 23:30ish time.  I won my age group and I was shocked, but happy.

IMG_8043I think we sometimes surprise ourselves and this was a nice surprise on tired legs.

As the school year ended, my friend and I continued to run and have fun.  I was going to a girls camp over the summer for a weekend and needed to do a long run at night.  Sometimes when we run with people it is hard when we have two different plans or styles.  I remember it being super humid and I was not doing well.  I was on the canal and had to stop.  My friend looped back to me, which was nice.  Finally when there was about .3 miles left, she decided she needed to go.  I do not know why, but this made me sad because of the times she felt bad and I did not leave her.  Plus, I was not feeling well and thought I might pass out.  She needed to “maximize her energy.”  Well, I wanted to make it to my car and not pass out.  I just wish she would have waited.  I think that was an issue but deep down there was a lot bothering me.

I think every body is beautiful and you need to be beautiful on the inside before you can be beautiful on the outside.  Sometimes, there are things you just shouldn’t say to people no matter what.  I cannot remember all of it but I remember when she said her husband said, “he was surprised at how nice I looked at my wedding.”  She told me she told him, “well she is running with me so she doesn’t dress up.”  It just made me feel ugly.  When I ran that 5k in Buffalo, she told me, “yeah my husband said it must not have been very competitive.”

These things still bother me, but I would never say something like this to someone.  Why?  I just wouldn’t because it is mean.

 

I could ask why she never drove or why she wouldn’t pay me back for part of the hotel we stayed at for our marathon…but I am better than that.  It just crushes me to be so invested in a friendship and feel treated so poorly.

Moving on, we signed up for the 18.12.  When I was running, I saw her up ahead.  She was waiting at the porta potty.  She looked at her watch and looked at me then took off.  I was mad she just gave me that look.  Well she finished and I tried to invite her with us but she had to go.  Well, she accidentally texted me instead of her husband later.  “It was great aside from the added Beth drama.”

She wonders why I won’t run with her.  Well, she claimed she waited for me but when she was about ten feet ahead of me and takes off running, I simply do not understand the part about how she waited for me.  On top of all of this, she never wanted to drive.  Her car either smelled like gas or I do not know what.  Just like when she showed up to my car for a race with a garbage can, it was the bad food she ate and not the fact that she went on a wine tour.

I am almost done complaining I promise.  I tried to meet with her and talk.  She wanted me to apologize too.  I do not apologize to someone who calls my husband a chauffeur.  I do not apologize to someone who lets me know people are surprised that I can dress up nice. I would also never tell someone they only did good at a race because it must not have been very competitive.  I also think it is sad that she had her husband defriend my husband on Facebook like we are still in high school.  My husband is the nicest person.  I argue, one of the nicest in the world.  I feel like I have lost friends because of this too.  I feel like my husband has as well.  So I moved on after we met for dinner and I decided our friendship could not be saved.

 

 

Life is too short.  I have a beautiful daughter and husband.  I am trying to surround myself with people who are positive and I am so sorry if I have been the Debbie Downer of the bunch!

I have started to run with people again, but it is hard for me to forget about the things that my last partner said.  Whenever I run with someone, I am constantly asking myself if I am too slow or annoying…and I do not know how to stop except to push myself harder until I go so fast that I puke and forget about it.

So life has been really up and down.  It is the domino effect.  It is also really hard to move on from someone you spent so many cold mornings running with.

So I have been absent from this blog for a very long time and I am hoping to dust off the cobwebs and come back to positive land.  So let’s see what happens next…

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Run, Fox, Run

“Stay steadfast in your hopes and dreams, but flexible in how you reach them.”- Collier Lawrence.

You might say I have been rather busy!!!!!  You would be correct.  On December 29, 2016, I married Andrew :)!!!!  I am so lucky!  I have been pretty busy planning.  I do not know where the time has gone.  I remember when he proposed over Columbus Day weekend.  I wore the shoes he proposed to me in at the wedding.  Ever since, I have been on cloud nine.  I feel bad because he is so level headed and amazing.  Me, I am a train wreck some days.  I have always had a less that amazing self-esteem and  I don’t have many friends…but the ones I do have, are pretty awesome!

 

 

I have been slacking on race reports.  The last half I paced was Wolf Hollow on November 20, 2016.  It was in Nashua, New Hampshire.  The medal was a cute wolf and the race was good.  It was not the easiest race to pace and the girls who ran with me drifted at the end.  This was Half Marathon number 77.  I finished in 1:59…and some change.

I have since decided to stop pacing.  I think it is stressful and I want to take a break.  I am not sure if I will pace again.  I would hate to quit forever because I enjoy it, but I need the vacation from it.

I have done some 5ks.  I did the St. Nick Shuffle at OCC in December!  I loved it and we got a Santa suit, hat, and light up medal.  I was fourth in my age group and happy with my time!  It was for my bachelorette party!  I went to paint n sip night at Owera later that day!

st nick.JPG My medal…It lights up but don’t be jealous!

Here are my splits, along with my finish time and the course:

So what have I been up to since the New Year?

I ran with the Oiselle girls in January.  We won the Winter Warrrior team relay!  We beat the girls and the boys!!!  We beat the co-ed teams too!!!!  I was so proud!

 

I ran a 5k in February.  It was Cupid’s Chase.  I have a hard time running this race because I won it the first year I ran it and then I came in 2nd the following year.  I tried for another win and came in 5th place, just out of a medal position.   This year, I was in third place, but I had a sinus infection and the flu.  I wanted to die.  I am happy with my time, but I am sad because I was feeling pretty strong until I wanted to cough up a lung.  I ended up in 6th place.  I let the girl pass me who won my age group.  I was happy that my friend, Jen, won her age group too!!!!!  I just wish I didn’t have such bad luck.  Here is the medal, with my splits and course:

 

 

MIA – My Racing Season

“A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget – me – nots have withered.  Carve your name on hearts, not on marble. ”  – Charles H. Spurgeon.

me and lillylillydance

I feel like it has been forever since I have written in my blog.  The truth is I had a lot of time I needed to get over my marathon.  I had such a good run until mile 15.  I don’t know what happened to me and I just fell apart.   I was mentally ready but I was just in so much pain I could no longer run.

About 2 weeks before my marathon, I felt a pain in my hip.  Between my hip and my knee, I was hurting too much to continue at my pace of sub 8:17.  I knew what I needed for Boston and I wanted to fight for it.  I thought about how far I have come in life and how hard I have worked for this moment.  I thought for sure I had it.

When I crossed the finish line in 4:03, my heart was devastated.  I was so sad I must have cried forever it seemed.  When I came home to New York, I took the next week off and focused on other aspects of life.  I had a great time.  I went for a long walk at Green Lakes with my friend, Marguerite Dodd.  I had a great time and it was nice to forget all about the aches and pains of the marathon.  I think the marathon takes too much out of me but I want to go to Boston.

Lilly had her dance recital coming up so I focused on taking her to dance and getting some cross training in.  I know I have the speed to get me to Boston….but I needed to go to PT.  I went to PT with my friend, Megan James.  After working her magic, I tried to come back to running.  It was not working.

Somewhere along the way, I forgot about the pains of not being able to run by cross training with my friend, Lauren…and I also had a chance to help crew for her boyfriend.  I had a great time and met some amazing people.  I think it is important to take a step back from something occasionally and focus on other aspects of life.  I was happy to help out and I had a great time…it is amazing…I am realizing you can enjoy life even when you are not running.

I had Lilly last weekend and we went to the mall.  She has been nagging for a boy doll to play marriage with.  I took her to the Disney store and she picked out Flynn Rider.  He was a keeper because he was the least creepy doll.  We have been basking in the Panera food and wandering around the mall.  I think that I have a pretty amazing, special daughter.

Her ballet recital was super cute and she did wonderful.  I know she will want to sign up again.  I have to say little girls running around in tutus are pretty stinkin cute!!!!

oiselle lillyLilly has her new Wee Bird tank from Oiselle.  She loves it and I wore my Bird Machine tank too.  I like that there are children’s shirts, but I wish there were more!!!!  I just think it is adorable to match :)….

I have received a few things from Oiselle that I am in love with ❤

1.  I finally got the tool belt roga shorts in the egg shell color and I cannot wait to wear them!

2. I have the rizzo bikini and bottoms in blueberry.

rizzo

3.  I also received the wings out sweatshirt in midnight.  I paired that with the midnight colored layer love tank.  I think it would also look amazing with the yellow tank.

4.  I can’t say enough about the layer love tank in stripes.  I love it!!!!  I wore it last night and didn’t want to take it off.

I am lucky to have such wonderful clothes from Oiselle.  I truly enjoy being a flock member and hope to represent Oiselle again this year.  I hope they let me !!!!!  I am not racing for a while.  I finally had an MRI on my hip.  I am still thinking a lot about it.  The doctor came in and said: “I have good news and I have bad news.”  Imagine what went through my head.

I found out that my hip is fine.  I am still a little concerned about my knee but I am not thinking about the knee at this moment.  I am more concerned about what is going on that is impacting my running.  I found out I have a 5cm cyst that is hitting my hip.  It is on my left hip.  I also have a smaller cyst on my left side.  Then, I have one on my right side that is eventually going to bother my right hip.  I tried to not get overwhelmed with emotion but all I can think is: “What does this mean?”  What does this mean??????

The doctor I talked to recommended I go for an ultrasound.  I am going today to meet with another doctor and hopefully get an ultrasound sooner than later.  She thinks they should remove it because I am rather on the little side and it will continue to bother me.  They will most likely treat it conservatively, but I want to get back to running and I am worried about how long this will take to get better.  I guess I should be happy to run, but I hate the pain that has to come along with it.  I mean, I just hurt all the time now.  I am rather stubborn, so  I am not letting it get to me.

On a good note, I know I will get better and I have had a lot of amazing things happen to me…I am not one to tell but life is pretty fantastic right now.  I think things happen for a reason and I would normally be freaking out about this…but I have been having such great days I barely think about it.  I am almost done with school for the summer.  I cannot wait!  I will certainly miss my students but I would like to rest and enjoy my time.

Have a great day and remember to be thankful for what you have 🙂