“Determination gives you the resolve to keep going in spite of the roadblocks that lay before you.”
It is Wednesday and I have not had a chance to recap some of the race and to share how my week has been going or not going.
So we finished 5th in the relay, but I am not sure if we were 5th or 4th. I think we did awesome but I wish I could have ran a little faster. I know I am hard on myself, but I do think I could have done better. I do not know what to do.
I think for someone who hasn’t been racing he did a great job and he was hard on himself too…so was Kim. I think because I am the runner it is natural for me to be hard on myself too…we are all good at our sports, but I have been sucking for a while and need to get out of it.
I thought I had finished in 1:48 (which is still slow for me) but I forgot to start my watch so I finished in 1:50. I was so exhausted that I did not hear them announce our team and say what a great name that was.
I remember the days when I would finish and I would not be tired and my time would be 1:40….I miss those days and I am sad. I need to find it in me to do the one thing well that I love.
We are already in talks about next year. I hope we do it so I can redeem myself. We will see…I would like to do one on my own and I have my first open water swim class I am going to tomorrow night at Jamesville beach. I hope I like it and I do not drown.
I feel like an idiot too because I think being alone is why I am not doing well. I know it is speedwork too…but when you are going for so long and you feel this lack of affection in your life, it seems like it is taking a toll. I think I can get over this feeling because I do not know what life has in store for me. I want to be happy and to be with someone but I cannot let it get in the way of my goals. The truth is, I like someone…but I haven’t dated in so long, I just need to relax and see what happens (He already knows I like him).
I want to run in Boston and I want to do well in life but I have to get by this road block. I need to focus and just learn to beeeeeeee happy!!!!!
I have self confidence but lately I have had a lot of people say I look too skinny or that I need more meat on my bones. I look sickly…I eat trust me and I try to over eat too but it makes me sick to my stomach to eat too much. I do not know what to do.
I also got offered summer school. I am not going to lie, I guess a part of me does not want to work….then there is this part that says I can run away and sign up for a million races…I keep running. I do not know why?
Confession: Besides Boston, I want to run a marathon or half on all of the continents. I want to do the Berlin Marathon and the Paris Marathon. I am still bummed about PAris. I will get over it. Berlin is in September but I do not have the ability to go…maybe next year. I want to be a faster runner before I go there. I think it would be amazing….