Tag Archives: runner

I Wish Upon An Oreo So Yummy!”

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Today is my day off! I just found out I will be teaching at a new school in my district and I could not be happier.

Last weekend, I ran a 5k and landed in 2nd place overall! I finished in 23:52 with my torn meniscus and bruised bone. I was rather excited! Then I switched from the half Mary to the 10k… I finished in 50:22…. Not bad for being tired and injured…but then I saw the bigger picture. I want to run forever. I don’t want this to be the end. So I took a break and I haven’t ran since. I am sad and there is not much else to do to spend my time forgetting about the joy and utter bliss I have running…..you see I am kind of a loner….but I saw the big picture and I am excited about what I have in store. Most people who know me realize my name is my married name but I am divorced. I haven’t changed my name yet, but I run under my maiden name.

So I finished my big challenge to make it to 50 half marathons and I want to do my 50 states….but how can I make you jealous? I am going to work on my 7 continents. Obviously, North America is done…I refuse to go to Africa because of Ebola…so I won’t share but my eyes are set on a couple of continents…soooo we will see what happens. I love traveling and running so I can only imagine what will happen when I combine the two….

So Oreos…..

I used to believe that if you took apart an Oreo and the creme stayed on one side, you would get your wish…so I did just that and my luck has been good lately…I’m afraid it will run out so I eat an Oreo every day….I found out Lilly is going to be in the advanced pre k, then I found out that I got the job I wanted, and I had other good news….well for my birthday I know what I want….maybe it will happen…who knows…then today I applied for an apartment and I got it…my rent is ridiculous so I want to move…though ill miss this place. Who knows….

So I am wishing for happiness to come with my Oreo because I can’t remember the last time I blew out a candle for my birthday… I hope my knee gets better and I have a great school year.

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I believe that if you are a good person and you live your life to the fullest, good things will happen.. See I made popovers from scratch and in a hurry.sometimes if you just relax, things will happen!

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Catamount Half Marathon #14/46

I just got up this morning and realized I never did my race review.  I think I finally cooled down from the day.  It is still super hot, but I am feeling a little more alive.  The truth is, it was a great race even though it was hot.

3CRaceproductions.com does a race series in New England.  Last year I did the Freeport Half MArathon and met my parents for the weekend.  That was interesting.  Lilly barfed halfway through the trip and my debit card stopped working. That was wonderful.  I was glad that I had cash on me.  Thank goodness!!!!!!!  So I ran that weekend and I was second in my age group.  I do not know if I won anything but oh well.
 

 

On June 29, I participated in the Catamount Half Marathon in Vermont. 
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This took place in Brattleboro and I had a great drive.  I saw a moose in Vermont on Route 7. 
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It was a baby moose and I was not going to wait around for the mama moose.

 

When I arrived in Brattleboro, it was about 6 in the evening.  I finally got my hair cut for the first time in a year.
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I felt a lot better with the hair gone but I hope I made the right choice.  I stayed at the Colonial Motel, which was really nice.  There was an indoor pool and spa.  I also could eat dinner there at the Tavern.  This was nice because I am always tired when I drive.  I get a little lonely so I was looking for a welcoming atmosphere.  My room was 85$ for the night, which was a great deal.  I was going to stay someplace else, but it was only about ten dollars cheaper and farther away.
 

 

I sat down to dinner and ordered Mushroom Ravioli. 

I am not sure it was Mushroom Ravioli…
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I think I ended up with more of a soup but I forgot the name of it…it was amazing though!!!!!!  I thought the mushrooms were amazing and the noodles were great too.  I also had warm bread and it was delicious. 
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I had some cooked vegetables and a flourless chocolate torte for dessert. catamountdinner

I know a lot of people ask what I eat before a race.  It was a little expensive but well worth the money.  If I had stopped on the thruway it would have cost just as much and been three times worse for me.  For breakfast, I at a wild berry muffin and a bagel I grabbed on the way.

 

I went to the Retreat in Brattleboro, which was where the race packet pick up was.
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I am so silly.  I always get there way too early.  I was there at 7:30 and the race started at 9:00…I picked up my shirt and my number and sat in my car.  My friend Cynthia showed up and she did the early start for the half marathon at 8:00.  Then Andrea showed  up and started at 8:30.  I started at 9:00 and it was 75 out and it felt like 100 degrees!!!!!!!!! 
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The course was really nice but I had trouble with the uneven road.  When you are running on the side of the road but you want to stay to the right, it is like running on two different levels.  There were six water stops and markings all along the course.  They had to change the course because the police did not want us to cross the route 30 highway.  This was a wise choice because it made the course really simple to follow and I did not feel unsafe.  There were some beautiful bridges we got to go through and I really enjoyed the dirt part of the course.  I keep saying I want to get into more trail running and I keep finding half marathons that end up on trails.
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I like it.  I want to keep racing and this was a great course.  I would totally recommend it and I like the series.
 

 

I thought I was going to die on the uphill but I made it.
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I forgot to mention right before mile three it turned into a strip show because I had to stop and take off my shoes. 
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I took my socks and my compression sleeves off because I was way too hot!!!!!  I felt a lot better when I had just bare legs.  Then I had to work hard at getting some of the lost time back.  I figure I lost about two minutes. 
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I won a nice pint glass that I will be giving to my cousin for her birthday.  I finished in 1:47.  I think that the clock was different because we had to wait for some girls in the porta johns ha ha.

 

After I got back to New York, I stopped in Rome and tried out some roval wheels size 40.  They were pretty sweet but I am no used to using them on the downhill.
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I hope that I can try them out again so I can decide if I want them or not.  I am not sure and I want to try them again with company so I can see.  I also would not mind a mountain bike but I am not rich.  I like cyclo cross too….we will see…..
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I tried out my new oiselle clothes this weekend. I really like the flyte shorts though they did not make me as fast as Kara Goucher. I also had the nice half top and I realllllllly liked it! I can’t wait to run in them again. I need to buy more. It was comfortable and I think it helped make it a lot less hot while I was running. When I finished it was more than 80 degrees. I drank three bottles of water and sat on the ground. I have trouble walking with my right foot because of the uneven pavement. I think I will survive. I am supposed to do some speed drills tonight. I got in touch with a good runner and was welcomed to a running group that meets Tuesday nights on a track. I need all the help I can get. I think I am a little disappointed that I did not go under 1:45 but I am hoping (hint hint) that my new coach will help me get there.
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I need 3:30 to Boston Qualify. HELP!!!!!
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He probably won’t even read this.

Weekend Detour

It would not be at all strange if history came to the conclusion that the perfection of the bicycle was the greatest incident of the nineteenth century. ~Author Unknown

 

    
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This weekend was far from going as planned.   On Wednesday, I booked a hotel in New Jersey so that I could run the 1/2 Sauer 1/2 Kraut in Philadelphia at the Pennypack Park. After finishing my race, I would then drive to the Creek Campgrounds in Rosaline, NY.  I would camp overnight and go to the half marathon in New Paltz, NY.  It was a trail half marathon.  It sounded like the perfect weekend for a girl with a lot of hopes and passion for running.  That girl is me, but I wasn’t myself this weekend.  It happens in life and sometimes you just have to stop, breathe, and take the detour.  It was not easy, but I had to do it.  Do I have any regrets?  Sure I wish I could have gone to those amazing places, but it just was not meant to be this weekend.  Maybe if it is in the cards, I can go next year.  I have missed races, but I have never missed two in a row.  I am sure you are wondering why I would throw all of my plans out the window and just stay home.  I wish it were as simple as a minor cold…but it isn’t. 

 

     I am trying to find a way to sum this up without bringing too much drama.  I am not perfect and I am not the best with communication.  I think that my ex husband ruined it a little for me.  I got to the point where I cannot take the yelling.  I start to shake and hyperventilate.  It is scary.  I do not know how to deal with it.  I went to see someone about it before and I had to work on my breathing.  I am not ashamed of it.  If you are with someone who yells and swears and makes you feel so low in life, it is hard to move on and hear the loud noises.  I think that is why I seem to do well at work because I do not yell and I can get the children to listen to me.  That is not easy in first grade.

 

     I have a student teacher and I have had one the past three years.  I am not a person who likes to lead and I try to be laid back and do the best job I can.  I do not know if my student teacher was unhappy.  I do not know all of the details.  I just know that I had some trouble finding her and she was going to get observed on Wednesday so I had to help her out.  She was going to be teaching content and her small ESL group.  I was excited for her to get done with her two observations and move along.  She is done this coming Thursday.  She wanted to teach content and the other teacher did not want her to because of SLOs.  My student teacher talked her into it.  I thought she was going to be with the student teacher and I was supposed to watch the other teacher’s class.  Everything was fine.  I was with the kids watching a movie and my student teacher was in the room teaching content.  Another teacher stuck his head in and didn’t say anything.  Come to find out my student teacher was alone and I misunderstood.  The teacher had taken some kids to do SLOs and my student teacher was teaching and I didn’t think this was a bad thing.  She is getting her graduate degree and is a certified teacher already.  She is also a substitute in the district and has been at some pretty bad schools.  In a way, I was proud of her for taking on this role.  I guess the one teacher yelled at the other teacher for leaving her alone.  I felt bad about the whole situation and it really was a misunderstanding.

 

My student teacher was not happy because the kids were terrible.  I told her I wish that she would have let me know or the other teacher.  I apologized because this really was just a mix up but I was just in the next room.  She should have brought the kids or sent someone with a note.  I was a little mad at the other teacher, but I could see what she was doing and slos are very important.  I decided to talk to the teacher after school and we had a good talk.  We wanted to talk to the student teacher and just make sure if she ever has a problem she comes to us about it.  We are here to help her and help her succeed. 

 

I gave her supervisor a heads up that we just wanted to talk to her to make sure she knows she can come to me and that I am here to help her.  She accused the teacher of attacking her and I did not think that was fair.  My co teacher can be a little uptight, but she is a great gale and she meant well.  My student teacher was upset.  Later, I went to the ESL room and she must have told them or they were psychic because the teachers knew we had talked to her.  At first they did not say anything.  Then the one girl started saying I was horrible and she is sad because I am giving this girl a horrible student teaching experience.  I should not have had this meeting with her because she was getting observed.  I felt like a pile of shit.  If you knew me, you would know I was just reaching out to the poor girl to make sure she was alright and that she had a good experience.  I was not out to sabotage her or make her feel horrible.  I even told her she could come in late in the morning as long as she had her work done.  The other girl didn’t say much just that the timing could have been better.  I agree.  I know that my co teacher was persistent about talking to her.  I confessed that I did not want a student teacher because of the time of year.  So the girl asked why I had one then.  It is hard to find placements and it was so hard one teacher has two student teachers.  It is not easy.  I have so much testing from April until June that it is a circus.  The kids are also excited and ready for summer.  I feel bad for the student teacher.  It isn’t that I do not want one.  In fact, I do not get anything for it.  I do not think people realize that.  I had a bunch of practicum students this year too and was trying to convince them all to become ESL teachers.

 

Moving on, I had another talk with my student teacher and told her that I was sorry she felt this way.  I think she was more afraid of the other teacher.  The ESL teacher said she wished that I would have protected her from the teacher.  I guess I did not see her as threatening but maybe because I have known her she didn’t see the same person.  My co teacher has helped me a lot this year and she has a tough class.  She was also my student teacher last year and I helped get her a job.  I promise I try to be a good person.

 

I thought this was all water under the bridge.  I wanted to move on.  We had only eleven days left of school.  We were going to the zoo the next day and we were all excited.  The girls even had their parents and siblings coming in to help with the trip.

 

At about 9:30 I got a text saying that we were having a meeting and that I needed to be there.  I asked what it was about and they did not say.  I assumed the zoo but I have a confession.  I have this most bizarre intuition that tells me things.  I was feeling it.  Every inch of me felt like I should not go to this meeting.  I did not want to skip the meeting, but I just had that feeling.  I inquired about it and wanted to know.  No one knew.  I invited the teacher from upstairs because she is part of first grade too.  Iwanted to belate in every way but I was there on time.  My body was nervous.  I was fidgeting when I walked into the room with the teachers.  There were two ESL teachers, all of grade one and myself…well there was one teacher missing because she was late. 

 

The male teacher said he would get to the zoo, but first a few things.  I just knew it.  He ripped into my co teacher and me about the student teacher.  We both told him we talked about it already and we put it behind us.  That this happened yesterday and we apologized to the girl and I told the supervisor.  The supervisor was happy she was alone because she is already going to be teaching fourth grade and she needs the experience of being left alone…no matter what.  The male teacher said we should have known better…etc…that if something were to have happened….I thought my co teacher did a great job of handling it.  He tried to talk about the other co teacher but she had nothing to do with it.  The ESL teacher just mentioned that the timing could have been better and we again apologized.  Everything was honestly bad timing. 

 

The teacher said he felt left out all year.  He talked about the 93q event where they came and read.  I felt bad because I was only supposed to pick one class.  I talked my principal into two…again, I won’t have them come in and read if I know it is a big problem but this happened in October.  Then he went on to talk about me servicing his kids and being late.  I tried to tell him that I have hall duty until 9 and sometimes I have to go to the bathroom or stop by my room.  Then it is 9:05.  He is right.  He tried saying I leave at 9:30 but I promise that is only if I need to go to the bathroom or to the other girl’s class.  The truth is he is a good teacher and he is fine on his own and his ESL students are amazing and so smart.  I just support and hand out papers.  Honestly, I feel like I co teach more in the one teacher’s classroom out of all of them.  It is hard to be in so many rooms.  I felt bad though because I had actually talked to the reading teacher before the meeting about how I had so much testing it felt like I was never in his room.  He went on to badger me but no one defended me.  I helped out the girls when they were observed.  I helped them out with so much, especially the girl who had been my student teacher.  It was interesting that he felt left out because I did too.  I had an argument with the one girl earlier about how when I was testing no one told me about the Easter Egg Hunt.  I am in my room doing paper work sometimes or getting ready for the testing.  No one told me.  Also, I have subbed a lot this year and helped out.  I just wish he hadn’t said that if we went to administration things would get ugly.  That is not what I want to happen because I actually liked working with this person.  Perhaps the worst thing I did was to say I could not take it and walk out of the room crying. 

 

I could not come back.  I had the worst headache and I felt bad all around.  I felt bad he yelled at the girls and me.  I felt bad for him for feeling left out.  I felt bad because no one stuck up for me. It gets worse.  I could not go on the field trip because I was too upset.  I am not strong sometimes.  I get a text saying conversations need to be had and I need to listen to what these girls have to say.  I need to talk to the girls and Jesus.  I do not understand.  It is like I feel attacked.  Not only do I feel attacked but I feel defensive because I too will have to bring up stuff that bothers me.  I will have to mention that there are things that did not go well for me.  I do not want to do that and why is this all being lashed out at the end of the school year?  The funny thing is I could just leave it all and move on because I want to and have already asked to go up to third grade.  I do not know why I just leave it and move on but I felt like these were my girls and I am afraid to ask what is wrong.  I am hoping that it is the feeling that if I have a problem I just need to confront them.  I need to tell them but I am not someone who wants to cause drama. 

 

So I am faced with this and could use your help.  I did not want to involve administration but I cannot take yelling.  If there is an administrator there then nothing gets twisted.  She is the neutral party.  She only got involved because she heard me crying.  This school is my home and I want to stay.  I love teaching there and hope that these people realize I am a good person.  So I am having a meeting with the male teacher and administration because I cannot take the yelling.  I know he will not be happy but I am hoping he hears what I have to say and realizes I actually liked working with him and felt left out too.  I am meeting with administration and the two ESL teachers to clear up the student teacher situation once and for all and tell them that my co teacher is not as scary as people make her out to be.  Here is what I need help with.  The two co teachers want to meet without administration.  I did not want to do this because I want to not be attacked and I want to have a good rest of the school year.  Like I said, I am hoping it is about communication and they will not lash out at me but I am wondering if meeting with two girls alone is a good idea?  They promised they would not be mean and still want to be my friend and don’t hate me…but I do not know if I can take this….

 

I was beyond depressed this weekend.  I had to miss work Friday and just be by myself…safe.  I also had the worst migraine from the yelling and crying.  I was so sick.  I know hiding is not the best way to solve problems in life and I need to work on it.  I am a very, extremely sensitive person and perhaps that is why I am single.  I have felt lonely most of my life and I am not good with loud voices and do not think a man should yell at a woman.  I am so old fashioned.  I try to live by example and want everyone to get along.  I am such a sucker.  I want to believe I can make it through these last nine days of work in one piece and that life will go on and they will not hate me.  I should not care so much what they think but I try to be a good person in life.

 

So I went to the store and got my new bike.  I needed it and I decided it was time to take a detour.  I did not think I cared much for driving to Philly and doing a half marathon when I just bought a new road bike.  I took it for a nice ride on Saturday. 
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I went 31 miles and it was wonderful.  I have to admit my shoulder hurt and my foot went numb.  I have to have that fixed. 
specialbike2Then I was going to go to New Paltz for Sunday and camp.  I decided to detour that.  I made grilled cheese and tomato soup.  I watched North and South, which is a completely depressing and happy movie in Britain.  I loved it and then I went to bed.  I considered running an 8k but I decided to sleep in and just be refreshed. 

 

Today, I went to my relative’s house in Oneida and went for a 40 mile bike ride.  I went to Munnsville, where there is a cemetery hidden for our family.  My dad’s side had lived there since the 1700’s.  On a side note a teacher I used to work with, her ancestor was my ancestor’s neighbor.  Small world isn’t it?  Then I went to Morrisville.  My mom worked there for 11 years with my dad’s cousin and relative.  They set my parents up on a blind date at the Captains Lounge or Quarters..Don’t remember the last name.  My dad proposed two weeks later and they have been married for 36 years.  Crazy stuff…It is Father’s Day so I figured I would live down his memory lane a little bit and then I called him to tell him about it.  He thought I was nuts for biking to Morrisville because of the crazy hill there. 

 

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On my way home, I decided to get lost in one of my favorite places.  I love the Erie Canal and it is nice to go to it in Chittenango because no one goes there.  I saw a lot of people on horses and wanted to share a picture, but did not want to spook the horses.  I also saw a lot of huge fish.  The one fish was so big it jumped out of the water and tried to get a fly.  I thought it was the size of a salmon.  I wonder what kind of fish are in there besides sunfish and trout.  Any idea? 
specialrun I saw young couples, boys fishing, people whispering, a person walking a dog.  I love the canal.  It makes me forget about work and often wonder if I need to do something else in life. I am tired of being normal. I want to be different and do something where I make a difference. I do not feel like I do at work, except to the kids. It is nice to see so many people enjoying the outdoors. 

 

What is your ideal date or what was the best date you ever went on?

 

IF I could spend time with a guy, I would love to go for a walk along the canal.  I know I talk a lot but not there.  It is my solitude…my serenity.  I would love to just get lost there and then sit under the stars and listen to the animals at night.  It sounds absolutely perfect.  I think I will think about this tomorrow. 

 

 

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Trail Running and Mountain Biking…and a race I do not know if I can do…

“The woods are lovely dark and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep.” – Robert Frost

ImageI cheated for today’s Selfie!!!!!  I did not get a chance to take one but I wanted you to see the trail I ran on today…this is the Erie Canal.  I am so jealous because there is a huge race along the Erie Canal that I would love to do but I would totally lose my job!  If you are interested in it, let me know how it is so I can do it when I retire in about 18 years…here is the link:

http://www.newyorkmarathontour.com/

 

I have been running on the canal for a long time and I keep saying I am going to run the whole darn thing…well maybe it is my chance…I should focus on the parts that I have not done yet, but I will at least do part of it…there is a list you can get on to be given priority when the registration opens next year…cant wait cant wait!!!!!

ImageThis was a little hard to take but I saw this heron on the trail today.  It was really hard to get his picture because he kept looking for fish.  He was not cooperative.

 

I had a great time and I need to sign up for more trail races.  I prefer trail races that are rugged and they are fun.  I am really really hitting myself for selling my mountain bike.  I had a $600 mountain bike and I sold the damn thing and would love to be riding the trails at Green Lakes and the Erie Canal….it is so much fun to get muddy and bumped up.  I am a total tom boy and love to get dirty and rough….I think that is a good thing….I do not mind dressing up and looking nice for a guy, but I want him to know I do not sit pretty and watch.  You are taking me with you !!!!!!!!!!!  I actually signed up for a race series.  I am going to be running a trail half marathon on a Saturday and a full marathon on a Sunday.  I know the bonus third medal sounds nice, but I want to do it for fun.  I had to beg for a second night at the hotel I am staying at, but luckily, they had something.  I am sure I got the last room because it is the only hotel around…..thank goodness.

 

I do not know a lot about cyclocross and other mountain bike races, but I think that is something I would like to get into besides more bike racing…I love running but I need to change it up once in a while…I think it will be amazing!!!!!  If you have any ideas about some good down and dirty trail races or bike races that are dirty….let me know!!!!!!!! 

ImageThis is what my mountain bike looked like…booooo I miss it but a boy bought it and I am sure he had some fun!

 

Moving on….here is a little something you might not know about me…I have hydrophobia, which you know if you have been following me.  This happened because I had a snapping turtle experience when I was a kid and I am trying to work through it….I am afraid I will drown and I love to swim so this is really a bit tragic…well I grew up in a small town and we have a lot of turtles.  Since today is National Turtle day, I wanted you to know I am one of those crazy people who stops to help turtles.  I have ran numerous snapping turtles across the road because let’s face it, people are assholes.  It is not okay to run over a turtle….never ever ever ever!!!!!

ImageI never carried one this big, but I would block it with my car so it would not get hit…you can wait to drive for two minutes while this big, massive turtle goes across the road.  What did it ever do to you????  I should hate snapping turtles, but I do not.  I think they are pretty cool!!!!!!!  I have all of my fingers still too.  I think the turtle appreciated the help because it didn’t get hit and it got to the pond faster.  On another note, we used to have a couple of turtles named Heman and Sheira.  I know I know….We let them go and they lived happily ever after I hope.

 

Other confessions…hmmmmm I already wrote last night but let me think…….

 

Run For The DREAM!!!!!!!

Here is the link: http://www.runforachievabledream.com/

I am running next weekend in Williamsburg, Virginia.  This will be half marathon number 12 in my quest for 18 half marathons to make it to number 50 before the New Years.  I am doing great and I have more than 18 half marathons I have signed up for along with three full marathons and I have the Corporate Challenge and The Run for the Dream 8k.  Someone asked me today if these races benefit anything….Of course.  The Run for the Dream benefits two school systems in Virginia.  It is nice to support a cause.  Every race I do does go to support something.  It is nice to help out and support different events around the east and south. 

 

Course Map for the 8k

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Here is the half marathon course map:

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This looks like a pretty cool race series and I think it is neat to have the “Patriot’s Challenge.”  If I complete both races I get a third medal for completing the gauntlet.  This is a neat idea…since I run half marathons all of the time I am looking forward to sprinting the 8k. MY best 8k is 35 minutes and 36 seconds.  I do not know how I did that but I bet if I put my heart into it I could make it happen.  I am sure of it…if not that time, something close. 

 

Spoiled:

My hotel is nice and it is a sponsored hotel for the race.  I get to walk to the race start from my hotel.  The hotel features breakfast, a pool, bike rentals, and all sorts of goodies.  I cannot wait!

 

BUT!!!!!!!!!

Here is the thing.  I am absolutely excited about this race series.  However, I want good luck.  I want to go so bad but I hope I get some good luck before I go.  I do not want to fall, have my windshield cracked, nor do I want a huge rainstorm that causes accidents all the way to the state of Virginia.  I am tired of driving alone.  I am happy to report that my hair is fine lol!!!!!  I am taking biotin and making sure I eat enough.  Lol no guy will like me now because I will be gaining weight ha ha ha ha ha ….

So confession?  I am going to need a kick in the ass to go.  Why?  Because I do not know how much more of all of the happiness I can take!!!!!  I want to have a guy at the finish line…ready to kiss my sweaty face, even though I stink and look like shit!  Why?????  Because even though I am running slow as shit, I have the ambition to start and finish….even after waking up at the ass crack of dawn and getting out in the cold to run 13.1 miles…Also, this race was one I was supposed to do but didn’t do.  Do you ever have those regrets in life that you do not seem to get over.  Well, a few years ago, I was supposed to run in the inaugural Run for the Dream.  I had a plane ticket, a hotel, and had already registered for the races.  I had issues with my patella and went down with my ex boyfriend…boyfriend at the time.  Well, I managed not to run the races because he said it would be better for my knee…so it was the race series that never happened…he would have been at the finish…truth is I do not think he wanted to watch and that was why he talked me out of it. 

 

Is it stupid for me to hope that maybe if I stick with my ambitions and be the best person I can be, maybe my dreams of happiness will come true?  Does it happen?  Is it possible?  If I complete my New Years Resolution, will I get my New Years Eve Kiss when the ball drops????  Or will it be another year I go to bed alone or work? 

 

I hope this is the best year of my life!!!!!!!!! 

 

Adventure and Sorrow…Confession Friday and Throwback Thursday

“One way to get the most out of life is to look upon it as an adventure.”  -William Feather

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I look at Lilly every time I see her and I am proud of what a great little girl she is.  She is truly wonderful and she is innocent in every way…I love when she tells me she misses me and I get excited that she asks to go to the playground of for a jog with mommy.  I hope to buy a tent and take her camping this summer too.  I want her to be one of those race kids out there who loves hiking and just plain fun outside.  I hate television, video games and all that technology has done to the younger generations.  It is funny that no one seems to write in cursive anymore and we do not have to teach it.  What is happening?

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I went for a run on Tuesday at 5:30 in the morning and it is my new adventure.  I enjoy running into deer and other rodents around the neighborhood.  It is a beautiful course.  I love running by the creeks and on the quiet hills.  I wish I could do this every day…just get lost in the woods. 

 

I am enjoying my time out in Manlius, but it is taking its toll.  I have a commute to work, but that is not the problem.  I feel trapped.  I would love to buy a house or be able to move.  I have given up a lot and I always thought that when you got divorced, it meant getting your freedom back…it doesn’t.  I no longer feel owned or afraid, but I feel trapped.  Racing all these places is my escape and a chance to feel truly free…but then I have to go back.  Truth is, I would probably never move away from here, but I would like to live in Chittenango or some place where I feel more at home.  I like Manlius, but I want a house and my own little back yard.  I want a garden and maybe a swinging chair.  I want Lilly to have a swing set.  I want to be free. 

 

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I am completely happy when I run.  Look at me at mile 11…or 12…It is like I am full of life.

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Before I know it, Lilly will be old enough to drive and I will realize life has been passing by me slowly. 

I want it to slow down.  It is going by too fast and she is already four.  I cannot believe it.  I do not know what to think or do.  I do not know what to say.

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This is Lilly and Hoser.  I miss Hoser so much.  Hoser was like a child to me and I do not get to see him anymore.  You have no idea what that feels like.  It is painful.

 

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Throwback Thursday- “The Prime Time Crime.”  1996

 

     I grew up in a small town.  I was quiet and I liked to help out around the house.  I had glasses and crooked teeth.  When I got older I was in drama club and I had a job…but I was never noticed.  The more I started to act in school, the more I came to life.  I was a good girl and I got good grades.  When I went to College, sure I had those stupid moments, but I was a good student.  I worked and went to class all of the time. I wanted to succeed.  I got my first teaching job in Watertown and I went to graduate school.  I did not really date much and I never went out.  When I got married I drank more and I have made it a point to cut down and have stopped drinking.  I try to run and live life to the fullest….but this is the hard part.  I feel invisible most days.  I feel let down.  How am I supposed to tell Lilly that great things will happen and she will have an amazing time in life if she is determined? I feel like I have been pretty good, but those great moments in life just haven’t happened.

 

Confession Friday-  I am afraid of dying before I get my happy ending….

 

I need to keep having these great races and nice bike rides….but sometimes I am tired of being strong….I should have been stronger…I should have fought for the house or for furniture…have you ever taken the poverty quiz where it asks if you could pack and move in 24 hours…I did…there are things I will always miss and never see again…but life is more important…Work has taken its toll too…I feel invisible there too…I want to be noticed and I do when I run.

 

I want my happy ending….I want my life to be a great adventure…

 

Joggers and Races

“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.”

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Well today I went for a jog to the playground.  I blew off my race this morning because I did not feel like going and it was nice to just wake up when I wanted to and enjoy my morning with Lilly. 

 

I am not the easiest person but I am realizing these days that I just need to be strong and fight for what I want in life no matter what.  I haven’t been having the best of time at work and in life in general and I want things to turn out great in life for me and for Lilly.  I need to focus on my goals and Lilly and let the rest fall in when it can. 

 

So today I ran to the playground.  Lilly and I love Mill Run Park and we go there a lot so she was a little bored.  So I jogged her to the other playground.  She was great and had fun…however, this lady tried to take my B.O.B. jogger.  She must have been an idiot because she was older and I can run.  She had her daughter in it and the girl drank all of Lilly’s apple juice and ate her teddy grahams.  She is lucky I am a pretty benevolent person because I could have gone ballistic on her!!!!!!!  So Lilly had to go to the bathroom and there was no bathroom around so leave it to my girl to drop her shorts and go behind the jogger…

 

What a fun day and I really do hope the rest falls into play. 

 

As for racing:

Here is what is up next:

May 17- St. Michael’s Half Marathon in Maryland

May 18- Marine Corps Half Marathon Virginia

May 31- Run for the Dream Virginia

June 1 Run for the Dream Virginia

June 14 1/2 Sauer 1/2 Kraut Half Marathon Philadelphia

June 15 New Paltz Challenge HAlf in NY

June 22- Ironman Syracuse Relay half marathon- NY

June 29 – Catamount Half Marathon Vermont

July 12- Jamestown Half Marathon- Rhode Island

July 13- Shipyard Half Marathon- Maine

July 26- PA Grand Canyon Half Marathon Pennsylvania

September 6- Bird in Hand Half Marathon Pennsylvania

October 5- Wineglass Full Marathon

October 26- Marine Corps Marathon

Deja Vu

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Take chances, take a lot of them. Because honestly, no matter where you end up and with whom, it always ends up just the way it should be. Your mistakes make you who you are. You learn and grow with each choice you make. Everything is worth it. Say how you feel, always. Be you, and be okay with it.

 

It is Thursday and I am currently at 9 half marathons for my goal of 18.  I ran about 13 miles so far this week and I have biked 25.  Something is wrong though.  I had to stop and think what number half marathon I was at.  I am at 41…but the will to succeed is fading.  I am supposed to be unstoppable.  I am supposed to be this confident person who cannot be defeated and who can run at any cost….here I am with a week left before my double half marathons…and I am discouraged.  I feel discouraged in general.

 

Why you might ask?  I feel somewhat invisible these days.  It Is funny because I have been gaining a lot of confidence and I suddenly find myself in a situation where I am feeling lonely….and I do not know why. Well I do somewhat…I have been testing a lot and I am not in my normal routine…I feel out of the loop. I feel somewhat forgotten. I have been somewhat quiet at work, even though I tend to be outgoing…

 

 

The last time I had two back to back races I was really sick.  I am not even worried about that and I should be worried about my shoes that suck or the fact that I stopped going to track practice and my half marathon times suck this year…Boston seems like a distant dream but I refuse to give up. 

 

I am just glad I have Lilly tonight 🙂 to cheer me up….

 

I feel selfish wanting to find someone to love me because I know Lilly loves me but when she isn’t here it gets too quiet as I said before….and I get sick of living in “Groundhog’s Day.”  I want my happy ending…It is out there….I need to focus on finishing my races but when I see everyone so happy around me it is something I want and I know I have to be patient….I guess that is what I need to do….just relax and breathe….